There
are many Latin texts, but hardly anything has survived from what common men
liked to read, the non-literary texts, say the DaVinci code or Fifty shades
of grey of antiquity. In this respect the Testamentum porcelli is a valuable text. It is a parody on a last
will: a piglet, Oinky, hears that he will be slaughtered and makes up his
testament.
We
know nothing about the author of this text, neither its place of composition and
date, but in rwo of his letters St. Jerome bitterly complains that schoolboys rather
like to read this than the Timaeus of
Plato. St. Jerome is famous for many things, but not for his sense of humour
and easy going lifestyle. Due these references, this text must have been written
around 350-380.
The
text is taken from http://www.thelatinlibrary.com/,
with a few changes. For the commentary I have used N.A. Bott, Testamentum Porcelli, Text, Übersetzung und
Kommentar (Zürich, 1975)
TESTAMENTUM PORCELLI
Incipit
testamentum porcelli: M. Grunnius Corocotta porcellus testamentum fecit.
Quoniam manu mea scribere non potui, scribendum dictavi.
Grunnius:
Oinky
porcellus:
little pig
quoniam:
because
Magirus
cocus dixit: "veni huc, eversor domi, solivertiator, fugitive porcelle, et
hodie tibi dirimo vitam". Corocotta porcellus dixit: "si qua feci, si
qua peccavi, si qua vascella pedibus meis confregi, rogo, domine cocu, vitam
peto, concede roganti". Magirus cocus dixit: "transi, puer, affer
mihi de cocina cultrum, ut hunc porcellum faciam cruentum". Porcellus
comprehenditur a famulis, ductus sub die XVI Kal. Lucerninas, ubi abundant
cymae, Clibanato et Piperato consulibus. Et ut vidit se moriturum esse, horae
spatium petiit et cocum rogavit, ut testamentum facere posset. Clamavit ad se
suos parentes, ut de cibariis suis aliquid dimittere eis. Qui ait:
Magirus: mister Butcher
cocus:
cook
eversor:
destroyer
solivertiator: one
who is turning over the soil
dirimo -remi –remptus:
cut off
vascellum:
small vase
confrango –fregi
–fractum: to break
rogo:
to ask
transeo:
to go (vulgar Latin)
cocina:
kitchen
cultrum:
knive
cruentus:
stained with blood
comprehendo - si -sum:
to seize
famulus:
slave
sub die XVI Kal. Lucerninas:
The 16th day before the Calends of the month of the lights. This is a fictive
month, but probably somewhere during winter
cyma:
cabbage
Clibanato et Piperato
consulibus: under the consulship of Baked (clibanus: oven pan) and Peppered
cibaria:
food
qui
= ille
Patri
meo Verrino Lardino do lego dari glandis modios XXX, et matri meae Veturinae
Scrofae do lego dari Laconicae siliginis modios XL, et sorori meae Quirinae, in
cuius votum interesse non potui, do lego dari hordei modios XXX. Et de meis
visceribus dabo donabo sutoribus saetas, rixatoribus capitinas, surdis
auriculas, causidicis et verbosis linguam, bubulariis intestina, esiciariis
femora, mulieribus lumbulos, pueris vesicam, puellis caudam, cinaedis musculos,
cursoribus et venatoribus talos, latronibus ungulas.
Verrino
Lardino: Swinish Bacon
do
lego dari: juridical expression: I give and
bequeath
Quaerina:
maybe from quirito: `to wail’
modius:
Roman corn measure
glans,
glandis (f): acorn
Veturinae
Scrofae: Old Breeding Sow
siligo,
inis (f): fine wheaten flour
votum:
wedding
intersum:
to attend
hordeum:
barley
viscera,
um (n): intestines, but here more general:
the parts of the body
dabo
donabo: again a solemn repetition of two words
meaning the same
sutor, -oris:
shoe maker
saeta:
bristle (bristles were used for making shoes. The technical explanation in the
commentary by Bott is above my comprehension)
rixator:
quarrelsome person
capitinas:
meaning completely unknown, maybe something with the head (caput)
surdus:
deaf
auricula:
ear
causidicus:
lawyer
bubolarius:
probably: sausage-maker
esicarius:
from isicia or esicia: sausage meat, grounded pork, so a person who makes and
sells sausages
femur,
i (n): ham
lumbulus:
deminuitive of lumbus:
`lion’, but also genital organ, so lumbulus
`little willy’
vesica:
bladder (to blow up and play with)
cauda:
tail, penis. Of course `tail’ is meant but the other meaning resounds too.
cinaedus:
`He who practises unnatural lust, a sodomite, catamite’ so the Liddle-Scott
dictionary, we say now `homosexual’.
musculos:
because cinaedi were seen as weak
persons.
cursor, -is:
messenger
venator,
-is: hunter
talus:
ankle
latro
-onis: robber
ungula:
nail
Et nec nominando
coco legato dimitto popiam et pistillum, quae mecum attuleram; de Theveste
usque ad Tergeste liget sibi colum de reste. Et volo mihi fieri monumentum ex
litteris aureis scriptum: "M.GRUNNIUS COROCOTTA PORCELLUS VIXIT ANNIS
DCCCC.XC.VIIII.S(EMIS). QUODSI SEMIS VIXISSET, MILLE ANNOS IMPLESSET".
Optimi amatores mei vel consules vitae, rogo vos ut cum corpore meo bene
faciatis, bene condiatis de boni condimentis nuclei, piperis et mellis, ut
nomen meum in sempiternum nominetur. Mei domini vel consobrini mei, qui
testamento meo interfuistis, iubete signari".
nec
nominando: whose name is not to be mentioned
legato
dimitto: again the solemn use of two words
meaning the same: I leave and leave behind
popiam
et pistillum: popia `ladle’ is a very rare word, a pistillum is a pestle. But why should ourlittle pig leave something
for the cook, who after all will slaughter him? And why should the cook hang it
around his neck (see next sentence)? Bott thinks that as these items resemble a
penis and a scrotum, our Oinky wants to depict the cook as an obscene person.
affero
attulli allatum: to bring, carry
de
Theveste usque ad Tergeste liget sibi colum de reste:
note the rhyme –este. This text put a colon after atulleram, but the translation below after Tergeste. I think our text is right because of the rhyme.
Theveste:
city in Numidia
Tergeste:
Triest
ligo
(1): to
restis
–is (f): rope
vivo
vixi: to live
ANNIS
DCCCC.XC.VIIII.S(EMIS: 999 years and a half
semis
(indeclinable): half (a year)
impleo:
to make full
consules
vitae: consuls
of my life, i.e., those who took care of my life
cum
corpore meo: unclassical Latin. As for the
whole sentence: it was usual in a testament to ask for a good treatment of the
body.
condio
–ivi –itum: to spice
condimentum:
spice
nucleus:
kernel
mel, mellis (n):
honey
consubrinus:
first cousin
iubeo
iussi iussum: to bid, command
Lario signavit.
Ofellicus signavit. Cyminatus signavit. Lucanicus signavit. Tergillus signavit.
Celsinus signavit. Nuptialicus signavit. Explicit testamentum porcelli sub die
XVI Kal. Lucerninas Clibanato et Piperato consulibus feliciter.
Signatures of
Bacon, Meatball, Rye-stew, Lucanian (sausage), Crackling,
Celsinus, and
Wedding-bash. (translation Jean-Jacques Aubert)
Translation and
study
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